We decided to do a crazy thing and take our kids to a packed Phillip Island for the day.

We had a blast with lots of driving, food, walking, fun, sand and just general family time.

This is so out of the ordinary for us to do something like that, but it was so nice just to get out of the norm, spend time with the kids and have the focus on fun, not on life.



Mikayla got a new digital camera for her christmas so I am uploading the photo's that she took, just to be different. After looking at them we noticed she had a fingerprint on the lens. I love them anyways. She is actually not too bad at taking pics, I will post some of her other shots later.

Reality check.......

I am feeling rather crappy at the moment.

I have been emotional over the past few days and maybe that's why I am feeling the way I am , I don't know.

I feel kinda lost at the minute.

I keep talking about facing reality and being real with people, but the honest truth is I don't want to face my reality. I am scared of what will happen, of not being able to keep it together if I do, of what people will think if I really do reveal the inner thoughts. I have perfected this image of someone who struggles with life as we all do but is really doing ok. My reality is far from that. It's about as opposite to that as you can get.

My reality is this, I am so completely overwhelmed by my life at the moment that i feel like I am barley able to breathe. I feel like my head is just above water but at anytime could slip under and I would be gone. Our home which is meant to be our safe haven is barley fit for human habitation ( I am serious). I have washing coming out of my ears. I feel like my Kids are out of control. I feel like I have a husband who doesn't really love me. Due to some issues we have had, I don't even trust him fully and find myself questioning everything he does. I am currently pregnant with our third child and every day feel the fear rising more and more as to how in the hell I am going to cope. To be totally honest some days I am not even sure I want this baby. There I said it. What kind of person am I huh.

So there you go a picture of my reality. I do not write this for people to respond with the "what can I do to help" or the " I feel sorry for you lines" I just thought that I keep talking about honesty it was about time I had some.

Until next time
xx

Procrastination.........

pro⋅cras⋅ti⋅nate

verb (used without object)

1.	to defer action; delay: to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.

–verb (used with object)

2.	to put off till another day or time; defer; delay.

---

Above is the dictionary.com meaning of the word procrastinate.


I have been called a procrastinator all my life, My father is one and I am too.

I have now officially made the decision I HATE the word procrastinate, I have realised (for me, I am not saying everybody) that I have used this label to hide my laziness.

At the moment I cannot be bothered doing my housework, I am being a lazy bum. I am being a complete slob and sitting on the computer instead. How much better does it sound when I say " I am a procrastinator and I am currently procrastinating the housework"

It's the same with assignments or work, often I would be up until all hours of the night typing essay's because I had been lazy, couldn't be bothered and had left them til the last minute. But you see people it was all ok because i am a procrastinator.

So you see, I have decided to take the word out of my vocabulary and stop labeling myself. I need to at least be honest with myself about what my reality is, not what I would like it to be.

I read this amazing quote the other day
"God often uses models to get his point across. Someone has to open up his/her life to others and say in various ways- this is where I am struggling, this is where i fell flat into failure and this is something I've learned and from which I have profited" -Gordon MacDonald

I don't even know who this dude is or what he has written but i liked the quote.

I have realised that it's true, We learn so much from not only our own mistakes, but from other peoples mistake and understanding and their learning.

For example I read Rachy's blog tonite and thru one of her particular posts I realised that I am not as boring or mundane as I thought.

So I want to open my life and share with you guys what I learn, not only the good, but the ugly and the bad and the failures.

I want to get real and be honest, maybe you whom read this will learn something from little old me.

For Now Until we meet again

xx

Just a quick update...

Well in regard to getting My chaos into order, I cleaned my car out today!!!!

I hate this task but today I bit the bullet and did it, I vacuumed and all.

My car (the beaten old thing that it is) no longer actually looks like I live in it. I am amazed at the treasures I found. Long lost jumpers and shoes, puzzles and books and even some money.

I forgot that my car had a floor, it disappeared such a long time ago.

So my tip of the day: DO NOT LET CHILDREN BRING TOYS AND JUNK INTO YOUR VEHICLE, THEY NEVER REMOVE IT!!!!!!!

Well hey it's a start aint it

Love You All

Reflections of a year gone by........

I have just been looking at photo's from the past year (trying to find a decent one of me to put up here but I am only in about 6pics and they are all bad)

It wasn't until looking back that I realised how much my kids have grown and changed over the past year. Man time flies with kids.

I thought I would post a few pics for you to peek at.
The last 12mths has held it's ups and downs for our family. Lots of growing and learning for all involved.

I am really looking forward to see what happens in the next 12mths. Lots of changes I am sure especially as our little family unit expands.

Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat

.....Or is that just me????

Life sometimes feels so incredibly overwhelming, I have a 3yr old who is a one person demolition crew. A 7yr old who is about to complete grade 1 and go on 6 weeks of School Holidays. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Where has the year gone?? This was meant to be my year, the year I was going to make sweeping changes, the year I was going to remember as a watershed year for the rest of my life, well the year is almost gone and I feel like I am where I was 12mths ago.

I am disappointed, not that good thing haven't happened this year and shifts have occurred. I am disappointed in myself. I look back at all the challenges that were set to me and all the places I have ran away. But you know what there is always the next 12mths, and the next and the next.

I am setting myself some minor challenges in the next few weeks, before the silly season gets any sillier.

I am currently 15 weeks pregnant with child number three. This pregnancy so far has been one of ups and downs. I have used this as an excuse to be lazy, hide my head in the sand and do nothing!! I have really been a flake. My children and Husband have had a lot to put up with. I need to get this chaos into some kind of order. I need to be far more organised otherwise i will never cope with having 3 kids (ahh what a scary thought). So i am vowing that some where in the next 4 weeks before Christmas actually gets here I will clean my house, decorate and put up a beautiful (real not fake much to my husbands disgust) Christmas tree.

I will keep you posted on how that all goes.

xoxo

Oh On a lighter note my brother decided to get my name tattooed across the side of his hand today. My 3yr old asked about it and then delighted in telling me that "You have a name on Uncle Joel's arm" I thought this was rather cute. My 7yr old fully expects to see her name tattooed somewhere now.

Old Posts

I have decided to post all my myspace blogs in case anyone wants to read them. They are quite old(over 12mths) but a bit of fun to look back at. Each blog is in a different colour. So enjoy and happy reading

Hey It's only 6:30 and I am blogging,

I have no idea what to write so I am afraid it will be something very boring

So Dad loaned us a Peter Gabriel DVD which is surprisingly cool. There Is a song on it called in your eyes....... ( Yes there is a song connection)

So the line that stands out to me every time says very simply
IN YOUR EYE'S I AM COMPLETE

So my first thought was that really girly romanticized soppy stuff of " Wow I wish I could say that" But we all know that is not possible.

As I pondered this thought further I thought about how God sees me. In the bible it says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, God knit us together in our mothers womb.

If God put so much time and care into me then surely I am something special. We all are.

I may not be complete to anybody here on Earth and there are always things that I could do better. But I have also realized that I am who God made me and when you have been created by God complete or not, you can't really get any better than that.



Do you ever have those moments where you just want to scream............

Well I can officially say that after 4days 1 doctor visit and 1 hospital visit, having a 6yr old with the flu has brought me to not one of those moments but to many.

I am tired, I am grumpy and I really have had enough. I have not slept in 3 nights for more than 2hrs a night. I love my children with no limitations, but sick whinging children are really not my thing.

But I am trying to look and see what I can learn about myself through all this. Trust me it took a lot of looking, it was hiding pretty well. I am choosing to see that life when you are stuck home is really not so bad..... I need to take some time out and just be sometimes. I am very good at filling my life up with lots of stuff to avoid whatever I am trying to avoid at the time. I am not very good at just being still. God is also gently reminding me, with a brick to the head, that I need to stop relying on my own strength but get my strength from him.

Many people may not realise that I am a control freak. I am not good at handing things over to God and letting him do his thing. I am too busy trying to hold on to my stuff (ie smoking)and just giving him some of what I want him to have. The stuff when I really need him.

The other thing that God has highlighted to me is I need to have more faith in him. This came about through a conversation with Mikayla. She has been on Panadol every 6hrs for the past few days, tonight before she went to bed we were discussing the things she wanted me to pray about. At the end of her long list of requests ie. no more nose bleeds, no more vomiting etc she asked me to also pray that God would start to make the panadol taste nice and not disgusting anymore. I tried not to laugh and simply stated to her that I didn't think God would or even could do that. She looked at me as if I was nuts and said to me " Yes He Can!! He is God and he can do anything"

Nothing like a reminder from your 6yr old. I seem to remember it does state in the bible that we need to have faith like a child. So tonight I will pray about panadol and tomorrow we will see what happens.

We serve and almighty God who can do anything. From raising the dead to, I am sure, changing the taste of Panadol.



So I am doing the Blog thing again..................

I always end up doing this when I am some kinda weird contemplative, overthinking mood. Oh and at some Horrid hour where I am over tired. This evening that happens to be 11.30pm after having an almost 2yr old awake for most of the evening. She has now been asleep for about 30mins so here's hoping that's it for tonight.

So again Music has triggered my thoughts, if you haven't figured it out yet I am a huge music fan. Music triggers so much in me and I find some of it very thought provoking. The song of choice for the moment is "This is your life" by Switchfoot.

My amazing friend and mentor has asked me to think of 3 questions/areas in my life I want to develop so we can talk about it at our next coffee session. I have found this task incredibly difficult, but also I have had some interesting insights into me.

So during all this thinking I had a discussion with one of the girls from my uni and She just happened to mention that She was doing primary school teaching because She "wanted to make a difference" This is really the main reason I want to teach I want to make an impact on Children. I thought about this further and asked myself what kind of impact do i want to have?? What do I want my legacy to be??

Well I want to be a positive influence on our children because they are our future. I know it is a cliche but it is the truth. I want my legacy to be a generation of children who are confident, happy, balanced and most importantly totally in love with God. But I don't just want to impact children i want to impact people. I want to make a difference in peoples lives.

I have started asking myself the question what have I done today to make a difference for someone else? This is a new challenge, it involves getting out of my very comfortable selfish bubble and thinking about others. I want to start practicing random acts of kindness. I want to be an encourager and uplifter to others. It's amazing the difference you can make to someone by just a positive word.

So tying it back to my song that i started with the words are


Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken
Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you've got now
Yeah, and today is all you'll ever have
Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be


I want to make a difference today because who knows what tomorrow will bring and if you will even have a tomorrow. We only have a short time on Earth to make a difference and an eternity in Heaven to rest. What impact are you going to have while you are here.

This is my life and I can officially and proudly say I am becoming who I want to be.

How about You????????

Just a quick note

Those people who have looked at my Blog before May have noticed that My "About Me" section has changed.

This came about because as I thought about it I realised that I am so much more than Just a wife and Mum. I am many things to many different people. We all are, sometimes I think we just don't give ourselves credit for it.

So I hope my ABOUT ME reflects that a little bit more now.

Ta

Until Next Time

I don't know

Ok so I have been sitting here for ages trying to think of something profound to write but I really can't think of anything.

My day has been quite busy so I am feeling quite tired, maybe that's why I can't think straight. I spent half my day working in the church office with my eldest daughter (M) and much to my amazement she behaved really well. I left my 2 year old (L) with my husband. I got home and 30mins later was ready to walk out the door again. My house was destroyed, after spilling coconut over the floor L decided while washing her hands Mummy would want soap everywhere. She then decided Mummy would want the floor cleaned with wipes and easy off bam (note to self get lock for cupboard) back to washing hands again. M then decided to fight with L over toys which of course ended with lots of screaming. It is safe to say kids were driving me nuts. Some nights bed time can't come quick enough and tonight was one of those nights.

I love my children dearly but some nights i would willingly give them away. My two year old screamed (yes screamed not cried) herself to sleep this evening and my six year old went to bed in the midst of threats. Not such a happy night in my house.

As I sit here in the quiet browsing the Internet though I realise how incomplete my life would be without them.

Close friends of ours lost their beautiful daughter earlier this year. She was stillborn. I could not imagine the pain that they went through, and are still going through. Every moment I have with my children I am blessed to have. For every moment they push me, exhaust me, challenge me and drive me insane there are a million more moments where they love me, make me smile, make me laugh and make me cry.

I am so incredibly grateful that I have been Lucky enough to experience the joy of having these girls in my life.

I know sometimes as parents we feel like we are at the end of our rope with our children, but really we are incredibly lucky to have them.

Maybe next time you want to give them away, close your eyes, take a deep breathe and remember the moments of happiness and joy that your children give you. The love that knows no bounds.


Another thought that has hit me today.....................................

God loves us as his children, I wonder how many times God has felt at the end of his rope with us. I know he would have with me several hundred times over.

But surely the unconditional love I feel for my children, the love that knows no bounds, that would do anything to protect them, that would stand in front of a bullet for them, is the same love God has for me. Pretty phenomenal thought.

Anyway that's it for now

Until next time

My First Blog

So This is not really my first blog, It is just my first blog on this site.

So I have a very beautiful, wise, affirming and encouraging friend whom I love very much. She has been part of my life for a very long time. She knows me very well (sometimes I think a little too well). I hope everybody has a friend like this in their life. Anyway you are probably reading this wondering why I am telling you about her. Just keep reading it will become clear I promise.

I was discussing hobbies with her today and complaining that there was no hobbie suited to me, as there is not a creative bone in my body.

We came to the topic of writing which led into a very long discussion about writing. I shared my thought to her that I would like to write a book "one day" but feel that i do not have enough to share, or that i don't write eloquently enough.

My very beautiful and wise friend encouraged me to start a blog. To start putting my thoughts down and seeing where that led me. She gently (with a sledgehammer) reminded me that I can do this, that I have story to tell. I have had experiences in my life that I could share with people.

So here we are looking at Laura's thoughts.

My wonderful friend is someone very special in my life. She continually challenges me and helps me grow, she stops me wallowing in circumstance and keeps me looking beyond the now. She embodies all the qualities a good friend has and I will cherish her friendship for a long time to come. I say all this because I believe everybody should have a friend like this. It is friendships like these that will last a lifetime.

So that is my first blog, hope you enjoy.

Until next time

Laura