An announcement..............

Ok just a quickie to let everyone know that, ok you may want to sit down,

MY HOUSE IS CLEANED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Those who read my blog regularly will know that this is has been a rather large issue for me of late.

There is a story behind how and why it got done, maybe I will share it one day and maybe I won't. The most important thing is that it is done.

Once I get past the exhaustion and get some sleep I am sure i will feel even better about it.

Until Next Time
xx

Food for thought.....

Ok this is just a really quick note

I made the best dinner tonight. It was so awesome!!!

We had spinach and ricotta cannelloni, well my version anyways. I am not sure how to really make it.

I am happy because this week in our house we have had more home cooked meals than take away and even though I felt exhausted I put the effort in.

Tracey has been talking to me a lot about food of late and I am starting to see that I need to make the change.

The one thing she has said to me, which has really challenged me is this: I can make whatever decisions I want about foods, good or bad and I have to live with the consequences of that. (and I do hence why I am so overweight I am classed as obese) My children on the other hand do not have the same power and choice that I do. I make those decisions for them and they have to live with the consequences. As their mother it is my responsibility to look after them the best I can and their diet and trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle is part of that. I mindlessly feed my kids without giving a second thought to what I am actually putting into their bodies and the affect that it could be having on them.

I have also read another friends blog this week and she has made some really interesting points, I urge all of you to take a quick look. http://louise-mumof3girls.blogspot.com/ I am slowly beginning to realise what is actually in foods, and that sometimes when we think we are doing the right thing we are actually not.

So anyways I am feeling challenged, and slowly trying to make changes. Hope this wasn't too boring.

Until next time
xx

Hope.....

Ok so I wrote this big post about being honest with myself and about where I was at etc. It has then been followed by 2 general posts about Christmas and new year etc.

This is another honesty post, nothing quite as heavy or depressing I promise, but feel free to switch off now if you'd like.

Truth, I am still in the same place with life sort of. I still feel overwhelmed by lots of things, but I also now feel like maybe I have some control over them. Not a lot mind you but some.

So let me fill you in on some stuff that has happened over the last few weeks. I have had my 20 week ultrasound, which was so fun. We all went as a family and saw the pictures of our new baby. Mikayla asked heaps of questions and was really interested in at all. Leyana was bored after 5 mins. I know that my baby is very happy and healthy in there and that the problems I had in early pregnancy have now gone and have righted themselves. YAY!!! I also Had a decent chat with my Husband, and although he really doesn't get how I feel (secretly I think he just thinks I am hormonally insane) he was open to hearing me. We spoke and he just kind of said to me that he was not putting any expectations on me, but maybe I could start just doing a room at a time, if that was too much just to do part of a room. So I have tried. I am not going to tell you my house looks fabulous because that would be a lie, but I have made a start. A dent in the chaos. I even cooked dinner 3 times this week. Some of you may be thinking this is not a big deal but for me it is. To come from the way I was feeling and how I felt like I could barley move to this is a big deal. I have done several washings this week and several hours ( i mean hours) of ironing. So there you go some of what has been happening.

I have a long way to go, I know this and I have lots to do, but I also feel like maybe there is an end to these feelings. That what not so long ago felt hopeless, there is some hope for. I sometimes struggle with the idea that because I am meant to be a christian, who knows her God, that I should not feel hopeless. Sometimes though the darkness seems so overwhelming that even though somewhere you know God is with you, you can lose sight of the light. I can say that I had lost sight of the light, I think I lost sight a long time ago , but was too busy perfecting the image to really notice what was going on. One thing I have realised through everything is this, I don't know my God. I know of him and I know who he is and what he does, but I do not KNOW him. I do not understand him or have revelation of him in my life.

I feel that to get me out of this darkness I need to start chasing the light. Stop sitting on my butt and expecting him to come to me but to actually start pursuing God.

So you see there is hope. I am beginning to feel it rising in me, slowly.

So until next time
xx

A new year.......

Ok so it's now officially 2009, I would like to know where 2008 went????

Now is the time for all those resolutions and things that we are going to do this year, to be honest I have none. I know there are certain things I would like to achieve but in all honesty I have no resolutions.




On a dif note, we had a fabulous new years eve.

Our day started at 8:30am when we packed up and left on our 2hr drive to Sovereign Hill. We had the best day, and I mean the best. It was so so so much fun. We panned for Gold (and found some), had a horse and cart ride, walked and walked made candles, went underground (where some of us freaked out a little) made peg dolls and just had such a fun family time.



I think this visit was a bit of an eye opener for Mikyala She was shocked to see that some whole families lived in a tent or room smaller that her bedroom.




So we got home at dinner time last night, changed and then went straight back out for New years celebrations. We ended up only going to my parents place. This was actually really good, coz it meant that my kids were in bed by 8:30. Yes I know what a horrible mum. Leyana slept well, Mikyala was still awake at midnight so she got up and celebrated with us. She had a boogie and was part of the tradition or superstition of being the first foot (this is a Scottish thing). I will explain, the first foot is the first person to come over your doorstep after midnight. With them they must bring Coal, Food, Drink and money. All of this meaning that you will always have warmth, plenty to eat and drink and money in your purse. I remember always being kicked out at 11:59 to be my Nanna's first foot when I was a child.

We had such a great night with awesome food and great family and friends.

So I am looking forward to many changes in 2009. And lots of new adventures.

Until next time
xx

We decided to do a crazy thing and take our kids to a packed Phillip Island for the day.

We had a blast with lots of driving, food, walking, fun, sand and just general family time.

This is so out of the ordinary for us to do something like that, but it was so nice just to get out of the norm, spend time with the kids and have the focus on fun, not on life.



Mikayla got a new digital camera for her christmas so I am uploading the photo's that she took, just to be different. After looking at them we noticed she had a fingerprint on the lens. I love them anyways. She is actually not too bad at taking pics, I will post some of her other shots later.

Reality check.......

I am feeling rather crappy at the moment.

I have been emotional over the past few days and maybe that's why I am feeling the way I am , I don't know.

I feel kinda lost at the minute.

I keep talking about facing reality and being real with people, but the honest truth is I don't want to face my reality. I am scared of what will happen, of not being able to keep it together if I do, of what people will think if I really do reveal the inner thoughts. I have perfected this image of someone who struggles with life as we all do but is really doing ok. My reality is far from that. It's about as opposite to that as you can get.

My reality is this, I am so completely overwhelmed by my life at the moment that i feel like I am barley able to breathe. I feel like my head is just above water but at anytime could slip under and I would be gone. Our home which is meant to be our safe haven is barley fit for human habitation ( I am serious). I have washing coming out of my ears. I feel like my Kids are out of control. I feel like I have a husband who doesn't really love me. Due to some issues we have had, I don't even trust him fully and find myself questioning everything he does. I am currently pregnant with our third child and every day feel the fear rising more and more as to how in the hell I am going to cope. To be totally honest some days I am not even sure I want this baby. There I said it. What kind of person am I huh.

So there you go a picture of my reality. I do not write this for people to respond with the "what can I do to help" or the " I feel sorry for you lines" I just thought that I keep talking about honesty it was about time I had some.

Until next time
xx

Procrastination.........

pro⋅cras⋅ti⋅nate

verb (used without object)

1.	to defer action; delay: to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.

–verb (used with object)

2.	to put off till another day or time; defer; delay.

---

Above is the dictionary.com meaning of the word procrastinate.


I have been called a procrastinator all my life, My father is one and I am too.

I have now officially made the decision I HATE the word procrastinate, I have realised (for me, I am not saying everybody) that I have used this label to hide my laziness.

At the moment I cannot be bothered doing my housework, I am being a lazy bum. I am being a complete slob and sitting on the computer instead. How much better does it sound when I say " I am a procrastinator and I am currently procrastinating the housework"

It's the same with assignments or work, often I would be up until all hours of the night typing essay's because I had been lazy, couldn't be bothered and had left them til the last minute. But you see people it was all ok because i am a procrastinator.

So you see, I have decided to take the word out of my vocabulary and stop labeling myself. I need to at least be honest with myself about what my reality is, not what I would like it to be.

I read this amazing quote the other day
"God often uses models to get his point across. Someone has to open up his/her life to others and say in various ways- this is where I am struggling, this is where i fell flat into failure and this is something I've learned and from which I have profited" -Gordon MacDonald

I don't even know who this dude is or what he has written but i liked the quote.

I have realised that it's true, We learn so much from not only our own mistakes, but from other peoples mistake and understanding and their learning.

For example I read Rachy's blog tonite and thru one of her particular posts I realised that I am not as boring or mundane as I thought.

So I want to open my life and share with you guys what I learn, not only the good, but the ugly and the bad and the failures.

I want to get real and be honest, maybe you whom read this will learn something from little old me.

For Now Until we meet again

xx